I usually don’t like to go for lunch, dinner or brunch on a first date, it’s way too long if you don’t connect. But I made an exception for Mr. S. I live in Queens, NY and he was living and working in NJ at that time. We chatted back and forth on the dating site, then on the phone and he invited me for a Saturday night dinner. I plainly refused, and honestly explained to him why. He insisted, telling me that he doesn’t want to commute to NY and back, taking almost two hours of traveling to spend an hour over a coffee with me. I understood his point of view, so I agreed.

He was nice looking, interesting, with a very nice background, he was a former professional bassist for an NJ Symphonic Orchestra and spend 2-3 years in another Symphonic Orchestra in Israel when he was younger. He traveled quite a lot, so the conversation was animated and pleasant.

However, he wasn’t talking about himself at all, so I started to ask more personal questions by the end of the meal. I mean, it’s nice to see his professional path, but I want to date a man, not interviewing someone for a musician job…

He was vague and avoiding eye contact. My guts feelings became in high alert. He told me a bit more, about his very recent separation from his long-time wife, just telling me that it wasn’t working well for years. I just listened from then.

When I got home, I jumped on my computer. I worked for years, doing international research, I’m sure that I can find something online about this guy. So, after an intense Googling session, BINGO! I found a blog from another NJ man, totally destroying the reputation of Mr. S., telling that he ruined his family because he was sleeping with his young wife (a thirty-something woman).

The day after, he called me back asking me out again, and I didn’t hesitate for a second, I said yes. I wanted to clear this out with him. When I started to talk, he was very pale with some panic in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that his life was clearly destroyed on the net. So he started to talk, and talk and talk some more. I will spare you his personal details, of course. But yes, he slept many times with that young woman, his wife discovered the whole thing and kicked him out of their house, that was the reason of their recent separation.

From then, I wasn’t able to trust him, of course, and I told him so. He understood and we stayed good friends for 3 years, doing many activities together. Then he met and fell in love with a very jealous woman and we slowly stopped seeing each other.

My gut feelings are my best friends…

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