The New Jersey guy

I’ve met this man 18 months ago. He’s looking nice, very funny but the distance is an issue. It’s not that far but it can make a difference. It’s not easy to improvise a last minute date when you’re living almost two hours from each other.
However, he’s working two blocks from me, so for the first time, we’ve met for a coffee near our offices. We chatted quite a while and he was interesting.
We talked about our actual lives and our past and while he was talking about his first wife, his kids, and his past, I saw his face expressions when he started to talk about the second love in his life. His eyes were bright and he was smiling telling me about their story. To me, it was so clear that he was still in love with her.
I’m a very open woman but I would never ever date a man who is already in love with someone else. It’s a lost cause.
I kept quiet on that day and I continued to see him regularly but just as friends, as we were both in agreement about not being a good match as a “couple”. We went to the beach, we saw shows together, we had regular lunch on weekdays, etc.
At some point, I opened up and told him that I knew why he wasn’t able to find a nice date and that it was crystal clear to me that he was still in love with his ex. He was totally surprised. He asked me why I thought so and I told him. Then, he told me that his family members and his friends never suspected that and that he was very surprised that I was able to see it. Well, life experience maybe? Gut feelings?
Anyhow. I continue to this day to see him, as a good friend, and regularly. I highly appreciate him, he’s very nice to talk to, he’s funny and we have a good time together.
However, I’m not dumb. I will never date a man who is in love with someone else, even remotely. Self-destruction in not my thing ūüėČ

My mean colleague vs a good man, her date or mine?

A colleague in my office was online dating as well. But we had two very distinctive styles and approaches in our dating adventures.

I always insisted to “go Dutch” and pay my share for a meal or the tab in a bar.

However, that colleague was a bit different. I really think that she was dating just for the kick of it and taking advantage of the free drinks and meals. And she was always insisted in meeting them on the best places in NYC, and the more expensive rooftops in the City. I guess she visited them all for free with her dating habits.
At some point, she was telling me about a nice Doctor (specialized in Organic Chemistry). She met with him 2 or 3 times already but she told me that she wasn’t interested because he wasn’t “her style”. She is a very good looking woman, tall, blond and slim. She told me that he was not tall enough and a too old for her. The mystery on why she needed 2-3 dates before realizing that he was too short and too old remains…
As you can see, she’s very picky but I wondered why she met him 2-3 times and ready to meet him again, just to dump him if she wasn’t interested? Well, free drinks, free meal, hey freeloader!
Then she was ready to “dump him” and asked me if I was interested because he was so nice… so she showed me his dating profile. Well, am I interested in your leftovers cute Lady? Probably not. I looked at his profile and told her that he was really not my style.
In the meantime, she met him another time, another free dinner, just to tell him that she wasn’t interested and she had the brilliant idea to show him MY profile and asked him if he was interested in meeting me. That poor guy. He had high expectations with her and after 3-4 dates, and she was kicking him out and offering him an alternative. Hello?? Of course, that poor man had the same response than I did “Not my style”.
Months later…
It was a beautiful Summer day and with a few colleagues, we decided to go for a day on the beach. She was with us. At some point, I remembered that she told me months before that this man had a Beach house¬†in that exact area. She didn’t… I told her: “Remember Mr. J. that you briefly dated? His beach house is right here, in this area”. Not ashamed for a minute, she decided to text him and told him that she was right there. I was feeling SO embarrassed.
That poor guy responded and came to us. We went to his house to use the bathroom, he brings us a beach chair to each of us, he was SO nice and charming!
They chatted for a while but I was sitting a bit further because one of our colleagues was there with two young beautiful but loud kids and I¬†wanted to relax, so I wasn’t’ sitting close to the group. At some point, I walked near the ocean to get some breeze and suddenly, he was beside me and started chatting with me.
When I returned to my chair, he took his chair and came sitting with me and we spent the rest of that afternoon together. We chatted for a long time and he was very interesting and funny and we exchange phone numbers.
We all left the beach to get back in the City and while on the ferry, he sent me all his contacts, at home, email, etc.
I’ve met him a couple of times after this day. We were able to talk openly about my colleague sad behavior and his feelings about it. Together, we went for lunches, dinners, movies, I was even invited twice at his beach house for weekends and even if “he’s not my style” and “I’m not his style”, each time, we had a good time!
Lesson learned. Always be kind, honest and true!

The Pilot

I was spending a beautiful and sunny day with a good friend at the Flushing Meadows Corona Park to see the Hong Kong Dragon Boat Festival last Summer. After the race, we grabbed a lunch and we sat near the lake and started to chat about dating. She was dating online as well.

We exchanged anecdotes and stories and we found out that we both were in contact with a pilot living in Queens. That was kind of weird so we both opened our Apps to compare photos and profiles and yep! It was the same guy.

I guess that he was a serial dater or a player but we decided to have a little fun with this.

We found a beautiful sunny background with nice flowers, we sat there, snapped a selfie together and we sent it to him.

I will skip all details but let’s just say that his story to me and his story to her were quite different. Liars pants on fire!

He was SO confused and we both dumped the guy. Fun day!

This stranger may be not a stranger after all?

I posted here yesterday about a man who contacted me last weekend and he looked very familiar to me, I felt that I knew him already. We chatted back and forth and he asked me to call him this week. When I wanted to add his phone number on my phone, I found out that I already had him in my contacts so this situation was a bit weird because I don’t remember at all talking with him or meeting him. Whatever. I called him today. We chatted for 20-30 minutes. He looks quite interesting and I’ll meet him for a coffee this coming weekend. Of course, I’ll talk to him about this, quite strange. More to come!

A different specimen of scammer…

I am quite good now finding out about scammers but this one almost got me. He has many different photos (all clear and from the same person) and I wasn’t able to identify them with Google image. He is clearly more articulate that most of them.

His self-description and our (short) exchange:

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Hopefully not walk into a pole. I’m a funny, smart, kind, passionate man who loves to experience new things. A bit on the sarcastic, witty side who loves to laugh but I can have deep conversations about meaningful topics as well. I am looking for a nice, strong woman who has a mind of her own and is not afraid to¬†use it. I prefer a woman who knows how and when to take charge when necessary yet a lady who is comfortable allowing me to be the man, open her doors, call to say hi for no reason, hang out with no ulterior motive. I am not looking to jump into ANYTHING too quickly. I am very patient and I am quite comfortable in my own skin and with the¬†life I am building. I would like to begin to share my life with that special person now. I am looking for a partner to travel through the next season in life together. I want the most out of this beautiful little life that I can get. I work hard, play hard. I love to love people. Been in love, had people in love with me. Like to meet new people. I have a sarcastic and dry sense of humor. I never take life too seriously. I am not afraid to admit I’m wrong. I’m not afraid to say I’m sorry. I’m not afraid of my own feelings. Not afraid of anything. I always say thank you. I know what I want when I see it and will go get. If not, I’ll get something better.. That thirst and hunger will keep me going. I know all I want will come and never worry about it. I’m looking for someone to share a life with, laughing together, going through bad or good moments together, helping each other to become a better¬†person. Love is one of the most beautiful things that God has given to us and I am looking for somebody to give love and that I can receive love from, somebody to fall in love deeper and deeper every day, with good heart, with sense of humor, optimistic, willing to live and enjoy every moment. I am searching for that special someone that is looking for a friendly, active, bubbly, caring, honest, faithful, family oriented and goal oriented person that knows what she wants and goes for it. I wake up each morning appreciative and with a smile while trying to enjoy the day and living my life to the fullest. Most importantly, I believe in surrounding myself with caring and loving people in addition to spending time with my family. My hobbies include traveling, camping, fishing, movies, going to the beach, yoga and meditation, Qigong,¬†Zumba, taking dance lessons, listening to all types of music especially the romantic songs and I definitely enjoy meeting new people. I love going to different countries and immersing myself in the culture of the people. I like to set goals for myself to see what I can accomplish in both the short and long term in order to continually improve myself. The perfect match for me would be kind, fun, confident and smart. An ideal weekend? A Saturday morning workout together, then exploring…maybe a museum, and art fair, wine tasting… the evening…..a romantic dinner out or entertaining friends at home. A lazy Sunday might include breakfast in bed, cycling or hiking together…and whatever else the day may hold. The woman I hope to meet is kind, funny, intelligent and upbeat who is content with her life and looking for someone to be a friend,¬†lover, and partner. She should have an interest in learning about new things and be a “glass is half-full type person.” She likes her profession and strives to excel. I don’t have children so I would be better suited for someone with teenagers or grown kids. If you’re interested in learning more, send me a message! I just started here, more photos to come.

So far, so good, now our short chat. With his replies (like most scammers, he is such an unfortunate man) I can see that someone drafted his short bio, or he copied it from someone else’s profile. His replies are in bold.

Thank you for the “Like”. You don’t look a minute like a¬†66 year old man, and you have a very interesting profile. I am Mich√®le.

 

Michele, You are right, People say I look younger that my age its all about taking good care of myself i guess. Thanks for the message, I see you have a nice profile with good smile and a great picture that goes with it. I really enjoyed reading your profile and it would be my pleasure to know more about you and see where it goes. Scott.

 
Hi Scott, Yes, you definitely look younger than your age. Sure, let’s exchange a bit more about us. I divorced five years ago, two adult daughters and a granddaughter all living in Montreal. I came in NYC 16 years ago for my work. I am quite active, and very involved in my community.
 
Michele, About me…… I’m originally from Italy the only son of the family, both¬†
parent passed away.I’m an architect, I work on both Residential and Commercial buildings and I enjoyed what I do. I lost my wife and my only son to a drunk tanker driver years ago and I’m ready to start a new chapter of my life I love going to the theater, out for meals, traveling and spending time with friends and family.I’m looking for someone who knows what he want and goes for it, someone who is faithful, honest, loving and passionate. someone who will walk next to me and not in front of me. I don’t think that is too much to ask? I feel like pouring everything that there is to know about me but not enough space, I could write you a long email about myself if you share with me your email address to write you all about myself and send you some pictures for a better communication since I don’t get on here often. I look forward to your email address to write you more. Scott.
Unfortunately, Scott, your story is very similar to too many messages received over the last five years from scammers located all around the world. I became an “expert” in finding out when it’s a beautiful but fabricated story. My next move will just be to flag you to the administration of this site as a fake profile and a scammer.

 

Bye Felicia!

Weird situation today

I received a message today so of course, ¬†I checked his profile and it was weird, I feel that I saw this face somewhere before. Kind of “d√©j√†-vu”.

So I replied and we chatted back in forth a few times and he gave me his phone number, asking me to call him this week.

I went to save his number in my phone and this man is already in my contacts! I don’t remember meeting or talking over the phone with him.

I’ve chatted and met with so many “prospects” over the last five years that I can’t remember all of them. Now, I feel embarrassed. I really don’t know if I should call him and let him know… Maybe his memory is worse than mine?

More to follow if I decide to call him!

Photos profile

Just a quick note. I just found out… if he wears¬†a baseball cap and sunglasses on ALL his photos, he has NO hair, dark circles under his eyes and too many wrinkles to count…

Just a quick thank you!

I am reading a chick lit right now. I read very heavy legal stuff at work daily so when I want to relax with a book, I don’t want to get into something too heavy. It’s The Botox Diaries, from Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger. I just started and it looks hilarious (and of course, it’s about friendship and dating after 40).

Extract (and then I totally thought about you, my friends, who are reading this blog):

“Are you still going out with that painter?”
“What painter?”
“The guy you met before I left for L.A.”
I make a face. “One date. When I saw his license plate said BLWJOB¬†I decided there was no future. With my bad knees and all, it would never work.”
Lucy laugh so hard the sake dribbles down her cheek. I feel a secret thrill that my sexless love life can keep her entertained. If you’re going to go on 101 bad dates you might as well have a good audience.

I want to personally to¬†thank¬†each of you who took a few minutes over the last days to send me messages about your impressions and comments about this blog. I know that my English writing skills are far from perfect, but I have fun writing down my dating memories and I’m glad that you have fun with me.

More to come!

My boomerang date

I dated that man on and off for the last five years. He is beautiful and very funny. My main requirements for a relationship at this time. I just wanted something casual after my divorce. However, he’s not very serious. He’s 61 years old, never been married, without kids and any kind of responsibilities.¬†He retired two years ago, so he’s totally free and independent.

When I’ve met him, and I was impressed with his sense of humor and I¬†liked his different lifestyle, a lover of freedom.

He’s still not very serious, don’t want to commit at all and it was bothering me a bit to start with. However, after dealing and dating with him on and off for five years, I got used to that. At this point, I’m very comfortable in this kind of relationship and I¬†understood over the last years that a part-time relationship may be the key for me. Let’s see!

So you know what? Mr. B is back in my life…

Speaking of young men…

In my inbox today: “Hi! Nice profile!

Have you been on the site long? Meet any good people yet? Please take a look at my profile and let me know if you’d be interested in getting to know me. Also, please don’t be insulted…I know what I’m looking for, you can get at the drop of a hat but I thought I’d inquire anyway. ūüôā

Hope to hear from you!

p.s. I entered my age incorrectly…I’m actually 45 but the site doesn’t allow me to correct it.”

So I went to visit his profile and his self-description. He is very good looking. There you go:

Hello! So, about me…hmmm…I think I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m an outgoing, fun, and I’ve been told, attractive man with a wide array of interests. Due to my hectic life, at the moment I’m just searching for a long-term “friends with benefits” relationship. I have plenty of photos to share. Please let me know If you’re interested and I can share them with you.¬†

So I lied and responded:¬†Thanks for your message. I already have two friends with benefits (and the benefits are including but not limited to — long weekends in their beach¬†houses, regular trips, regular musical shows, and nice restaurants). At this time, I’m looking for a more stable relationship. Good luck!

But he came back again and again, so after telling him thanks but no thanks many times, I had to block him. Case closed!