Yes they’re beautiful but SO young

I was contacted many times by very young men. My ideal “ratio” is 5/5 (five years younger or older, max).

Once, I made an exception. He was a beautiful young Indian man, 39 years old, living very close to me. He sent me a few messages and I replied that even if he was very nice and interesting, he was too young for me. But he insisted and at some point, he just sent this message: “Listen, Michele. I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m just inviting a nice woman, a neighbor, to have a coffee with me.” I found it funny and we’ve met.

He understood and respected my decision and we saw each other quite regularly for lunches, dinners or walks in our area, a coffee here and there, etc. At some point, I was sick and I refused to meet with him. He started from then to text and call me daily to make sure that I was ok. He even drove me to a doctor’s appointment in the City. He became a good friend. I saw him less in the last two years but we stayed in contact. I had a dinner with him a few months ago and with his bright smile, he told me: “Do you realize that I am now 43 years old Michèle?”. He’s funny, I just replied, yes, but I’m now 57!

I realized that, even if I’m not attracted to those very young men, I need to pay attention to the signals, the open-minded people, their kindness. I’ve met my share of rude and disrespectful men, in my age range, so I really need to keep that in mind and be more open-minded myself. I also realize along this dating adventure that I’ve met many men who were not “dating material” to me (and vice-versa) but they stayed in my life as good friends. And it’s SO important.

The Former musician – a funny detail

I forgot to mention something very funny about this first dinner with Mr. S. He invited me to a small but very nice French restaurant in Upper East Side.

However, all tables were very close to each other and when we arrived we were seated just next to a man eating alone. So we started to chat, and at some point, I was talking about my work at the UN and my hometown, Montreal.

This lonely gentleman then interrupted us, looked at me and said: “Wow, you are from my hometown and my best friend is working at the UN!” And he smiled, gave me his business card and left.

Mr. S. was speechless for a moment. Then he said: “This a$$hole was trying to steal my date!”. That was funny 🙂

The former professional musician

I usually don’t like to go for lunch, dinner or brunch on a first date, it’s way too long if you don’t connect. But I made an exception for Mr. S. I live in Queens, NY and he was living and working in NJ at that time. We chatted back and forth on the dating site, then on the phone and he invited me for a Saturday night dinner. I plainly refused, and honestly explained to him why. He insisted, telling me that he doesn’t want to commute to NY and back, taking almost two hours of traveling to spend an hour over a coffee with me. I understood his point of view, so I agreed.

He was nice looking, interesting, with a very nice background, he was a former professional bassist for an NJ Symphonic Orchestra and spend 2-3 years in another Symphonic Orchestra in Israel when he was younger. He traveled quite a lot, so the conversation was animated and pleasant.

However, he wasn’t talking about himself at all, so I started to ask more personal questions by the end of the meal. I mean, it’s nice to see his professional path, but I want to date a man, not interviewing someone for a musician job…

He was vague and avoiding eye contact. My guts feelings became in high alert. He told me a bit more, about his very recent separation from his long-time wife, just telling me that it wasn’t working well for years. I just listened from then.

When I got home, I jumped on my computer. I worked for years, doing international research, I’m sure that I can find something online about this guy. So, after an intense Googling session, BINGO! I found a blog from another NJ man, totally destroying the reputation of Mr. S., telling that he ruined his family because he was sleeping with his young wife (a thirty-something woman).

The day after, he called me back asking me out again, and I didn’t hesitate for a second, I said yes. I wanted to clear this out with him. When I started to talk, he was very pale with some panic in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that his life was clearly destroyed on the net. So he started to talk, and talk and talk some more. I will spare you his personal details, of course. But yes, he slept many times with that young woman, his wife discovered the whole thing and kicked him out of their house, that was the reason of their recent separation.

From then, I wasn’t able to trust him, of course, and I told him so. He understood and we stayed good friends for 3 years, doing many activities together. Then he met and fell in love with a very jealous woman and we slowly stopped seeing each other.

My gut feelings are my best friends…

The intellectual property lawyer

At this point of my life, I’m no longer looking for a beautiful man but for an intelligent, sensible, talkable and funny partner (of course, if he’s cute, it won’t hurt).

This man contacted me and we had a very interesting exchange. He was very bright, knowledgeable, and pleasant to exchange with. We decided right away to talk over the phone and we chatted for more than two hours! It was amazing. He was so curious about everything, he was so open about any kind of subjects. It was a very interesting conversation.

So we decided to meet for a coffee.

PS. I used to accept dates for a lunch or a dinner but no more. If your date if very boring, it’s a very long time to wait to be free. Just go for a coffee or a drink and if you are good together, well, go for anything longer if you both want it!

SO. The day after, we had that coffee date. It was pouring, I was tired and not feeling to go there at all. One of my friend at work told me: “You can’t cancel, it’s not fair”. I agreed, took my umbrella and walked to the coffee shop.

I waited five minutes outside of the cafe with my umbrella, hoping to receive a cancellation by text message but nothing came up. Then, a man (with an umbrella, of course), was coming my way. I was watching him approaching and more and more saying to myself, “oh please, I hope it’s NOT him!”. But well, it was.

He was looking 15 years older than his profile photos (and at least 5 inches shorter). And yep, unfortunately, it was him. So we went into the coffee shop, had that mandatory coffee and then again, I didn’t want a refill and wanted to go right away.

I told him that I needed to go. Unfortunately, I was dumb enough to talk about where I was living, so he told me that it was on his way and we had to commute back to Queens together. It was a very long commute. He didn’t look to understand why I wasn’t interested until I told him (but at the very last minute, before I hit my train station).

Hey! Next time, update your profile photos and if you were shrinking that much, update your height as well!

The Firefighter

I will continue to post a few stories here, but without any specific order. Not chronological, not by importance, just as they come back to my mind.

I had that message from Mr. X (he was so not important in my love stories that I even forgot about his first name.). But I remember that he was very nice looking, and with that kind of body for a woman to dream about for nights. He looks even younger than his age (he was 51 years old) and was in physical top shape. We chatted online a few times and we decided to meet for a coffee. When I got to that coffee shop, I was stunned. He was looking even more beautiful in person than on his photos. It was kind of unreal… So I smiled and for one of my first time, I was shy and speechless (and if you know me personally, you already also know that I’m not the kind of gal to look impressed or shy!).

So there I was, in front of that perfect looking man, and feeling that I totally don’t belong to his “category”.

Then, he started to talk. No. Not really. He started to answer with monosyllabic responses to my questions because he seems not able to initiate any kind of conversation. And his answers to my general/generic questions were kind of bleh.

The waitress came back offering a coffee refill and I said, no thanks!! And I left.

He was just beautiful outside but so shallow inside… too bad. Such a lost to look so beautiful but being so clueless…

Scammer of the day

Another day, another scammer. I just received it and this is one of the perfect examples to show you their usual messages (I didn’t know that Titarenko (by name…) was a widely used first name in Spain 😉  If you choose to be on a free online dating site, be prepared to receive them on a daily basis. They are like cockroaches…

From jnlfloral

hello beautiful how are you doing today ? I’m Titarenko by name a dual citizen of spain and usa my dad from spain and my mom from the state my first name is from spain side I was born and brought up there also that was where I did all of my studies but started my career as an army staff in the state I have been in the service foe the past 22 years presently here on my third deployment here in Iraq.well need to stop now I hope to hear from you soon

 

Another scammer?

I just received this message. Not interested in replying at all but you can see how we can spot a scammer right away. I marked the “suspicious” wording and nonsense in italics. Also, note the punctuation and his name. Most of them are leaving abroad and are not familiar with the usual first names in the US. This guy named himself: LeroyMertens1234

“Hello Ma’am!I hope you are doing well today ?I have been looking through many partner recommendations lately and some of them even looked interesting, but yours was one of the few that looked special. Your personality,your interests – we might get along really well.Moreover i was really impressed with your profile photo and will like to know more about you if you won’t be bothered about that. i will see it as an honor to be friend with you.Please you can add me on facebook Leroy Mertens is my username. I’ll be glad to hear from you! Thanks Leroy Mertens.”

My first date

I was SO nervous, I didn’t date for almost 20 years. Dating at 30 years old and when you are in your 50’s is so different, and frightening… I started slow, exchanging non-ending messages on the online dating site, I was scared to give my last name, I didn’t want to give my phone number or my email address, you know, just to be on the safe side.

Please DON’T do that, it’s a waste of your precious time. Jump in, exchange phone numbers (you can block him if it’s not working), talk over the phone and you will have a better idea about your prospect date. Don’t delay, meet them in person in a public place. There’s nothing like a hug, a handshake, and eye contacts to know more!

Let’s call him Mr. B. He looks awesome and he’s funny. That was a good start. We chatted back and forth a couple of times and we met for lunch. He was easy to talk with and I was feeling very comfortable with him. At some point, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and while I was doing what you’re supposed to do there, I received a text message notification. I checked and it was a message from Mr. B: “You are more beautiful in person, come back soon at my table!”. Not only I was laughing alone in the loo but he totally won me with his sense of humor!

Believe it or not, I still meet him regularly after those five years. He will never be my boyfriend because he is polyamorous. I learned from him what it was. He never married, never had children and he was professionally and personally a very successful bachelor so I stopped a long time ago thinking about him considering a more serious relationship. But I respect that, at least he was straightforward and honest.

I still have a lot of fun with him and he still makes me laugh each time. It’s a “part time” keeper! He has a place in Long Island on the beach and he spends his winters at his other place in South Florida. I visit him regularly.

Important note: ALWAYS meet your prospect date in a public place!

Learn the dating “lingo”

I’ve met a man four years ago. We dated on and off since then but nothing too serious. Then, he wanted to be in a relationship with me, wanted to go to Montreal to meet my family, etc. However, in less than a month, he changed his mind a couple of times, telling me first that he needs to experience more in the dating field (he was married for 30 years). So I offered him an “open relationship”, meaning that we are together, but allowed to see other people. Until I saw his new online dating profile where he clearly stated that he was looking for a serious relationship. BAM. He was out of my game.

There’s a BIG difference in between being in an open relationship and being polyamorous. An open relationship is a relationship where the parties are free to meet other dates (but nothing serious), while Polyamory means having multiple romantic relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Men and women are dating for many different reasons. Some of them are dating just for the thrill, meeting new friends or going out of their routine and their comfort zone. Some other are very serious about meeting someone significant in their life while others simply want a booty call.

Before entering in this wonderful world, you need to know what you want. But you can change your mind. After my divorce, I just wanted to meet new people and see how it can evolve. At this time, I was mainly meeting men wanting to commit. I wasn’t ready for that.

Then, my needs changed and I didn’t want to have multiple dates and started to look for a more meaningful relationship. And I started to meet with men who didn’t want any kind of commitment.  At the wrong place at the wrong time? Go figure!

 

Is he for real?

Sometimes, they are beautiful, living close to you and looks very interesting. But are they real?

Unfortunately, often, they are NOT. If your gut feelings are telling you that something is weird there, follow your instincts. “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t”.

You’ll also find the cheaters. They aren’t scammers but they are married. A few of them are even stupid enough to wear their wedding bands on their photos. I’ve met my share in this category. If he cheated on his wife, you won’t receive more respect from them than their wife. Believe me, I learned my lessons about this. They are very skilled on showing you how important you are for them, and how much they love you until they don’t need you anymore, just got tired of you or need to try someone younger, more exciting or just want to get a new thrill/excitement/experience.

To be on the safe side, you want to see more than a photo of the member. It’s way too easy to choose a nice photo from google and use it as their own. However, some are posting multiple stolen photos of the same guy, so, be and stay careful.

The best way to check is to search for their photo using Google photo search function. If you right click on their photo, you will see the option “Search Google for image”. I always use it and often found that way that they were using a politician, an actor, or a business men’s photos from around the world.

The scammers are more and more presents and organized. But many of them are using the same vocabulary and self-description.

The use of “I will like to” is one of them, widely used. No using “I” as well. Many are introducing themselves with “Am David by name”. They are a NO-NO!! Most of them will use this in their messages as well as references to God Fearing. Nope!

They lost their wives from a cancer or a terrible accident and they have a young child (often showed with them on their photos), working abroad for special assignments, or they are soldiers coming back in the US “soon” and 75% of them are engineers. All BIG red flags!

Useful reading article and sites (and horror stories): http://www.consumerreports.org/dating-relationships/online-dating-romance-scams/

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/online-dating-fraud-how-to-identify-most-likely-scammer-profiles-scams-a7553616.html

https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-scams/dating-romance

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/6-red-flags-of-a-romance-scam/

http://www.romancescams.org/

https://www.consumeraffairs.com/online-dating-scams

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4197028/Experts-reveal-online-dating-scammer-looks-like.html

http://romancescamsnow.com/scammer-albums-lists/

https://www.ripandscam.com/male-scammers-list.php

http://www.male-scammers.com/browse-all-scams-and-frauds.asp